alwayswithme, a Weblog

where I keep my thoughts together

A Letter To A Friend and a Reminder For Me February 3, 2010

Filed under: Weight Loss — alwayswithme @ 11:03 am
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Congratulations on your fantastic weight loss.  Whatever motivates us is what motivates us and clearly your love of family is what moves you.  When I was pregnant with our unexpected DS, I never ate better in my life because I was trying to take care of him as best I could. And since I was an older mom I wanted to do what I could to help him develop successfully.  Six weeks after I gave birth I was my driver’s license weight (135 lbs.).   That of course is NOT my driver’s license weight now unfortunately, as you well know.
You think I would have kept it off, but no, I let the stresses that were occurring in our family life (blending family, some mental illness and financial concerns since we were now down to one income), DS’s birth defect, surgeries and weekly doctor’s visits for the first year of life, overwhelmed and scared me, and my older son’s major education difficulties, constant string of bad luck (which continues to this day), chronic intestinal problems which(which continue to this day with no diagnosis) and broken noses, both of which required surgery,  drive me to emotional eating to relieve myself from all of the out of control problems going on around me.  DS was just a little over a year old when my little sister went blind and finally got her MS diagnosis which didn’t help either.
I tell you this, to encourage you to work on whatever issues have led you to overeat now, at the time you are so properly motivated so that you can be the healthy, thin grandmother you want to be when the baby is born and throughout his formative years. 
Looking back, if I could do it over again, I believe I would do the following things:
1.  I would continue eating the very same meal plan I used when I was pregnant.  I would not have changed a thing.  It kept my blood sugar at a constant rate which I know caused me not to crave the things I craved.  I no longer have that plan – thrown out because I knew how to do it and didn’t have to keep track of my food any longer.  I literally wrote every little thing that went into my mouth (can you say FOOD CHART!) and I ate three meals and 2 – 3 snacks each day.  I felt like I was eating all the time but I was eating the right stuff in the right proportion.
2.  I would have gone into counseling much earlier (I have a fabulous therapist – well former therapist – but she is fabulous) and worked on my issues before they got so bad.  I may not have been able to deal with all of them at that time but who knows, perhaps I would have or would have been better prepared to deal with the things that were yet to come.
3.  I would have relied heavily on reading my Bible, seeking out uplifting, biblical, spiritual books and would have prayed regularly and often.  God/Jesus wants to be our friend and good, deep friendship develops over a long period of time spent together.  I can’t expect to have an intimate, close relationship with someone if I don’t spend time with them and share myself with them.  Why would I think my relationship with the Lord would be any different? Duh.  For me, being able to personalize God as my loving parent and good friend help.  I know how much I love my children and want to spend time with them no matter what their age.  How must God feel about me?  Well, the same way, of course.



Insulin Resistant May 14, 2009

Filed under: Explanations,Health — alwayswithme @ 7:58 pm
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I found out a few weeks ago that I am definitely insulin resistant.  My doctor has scheduled me for a class in June to learn some about it.  I went to the bookstore and found a book by Cherye R. Hart, M.D. and Mary Kay Grossman, R.D. called The Insulin-Resistance Diet.  I have skimmed it once an have read about half of it.  I marked some pages that contained information that I felt was important for me to remember.  What follows is what that information is:

High insulin levels mean more body fat, while low insul levels mean less body fat.

People have different baseline levels of insulin because of individual genetice makeup.  The more overweight you are, the more resistant to insulin you tend to become. 

Information from page 7 of the book about Hypoglycemia explains to me that I have been tending to insulin resistance my whole life.  I used to feel this way way back when I was a thin teenager with a great figure.  That was before I started drinking Diet Coke/Pepsi/Rite but that is further down the line in this synopsis.

Factors that make Insulin Resistance worse include some high BP meds, synthetic progesterone only birth control pills and implants (I was on the pill or had Norplant for HOW MANY years?!) 

Glucosamine supplements which are recommended to help with arthritis can affect insulin resistance because it is a type of sugar. 

Caffeine, artificial sweetners and nicotine can increase insulin.  With the sweetners it “sends a confusing signal to the body” causing insulin levels to increase resulting in low blood sugar levels and hunger if not used with food (and I’m sure it means properly balanced food).


Found Another Blog Party That Looks Fun March 28, 2009

Filed under: Blog Parties,DH,DS, The Younger,Family — alwayswithme @ 1:28 pm
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Friday’s Fave Five #30


Five favorite things that happened this week, I like the positiveness of this series so here are mine, in no particular order:

1.  We had a fantastic time at the AMA Supercross Races in St. Louis.  Spur of the moment trip but lifetime of memories for our son.  One of those, “I am so glad we did that now things”.

2.  Installation at TOPS completed. 

3.  Calling my dad after Missouri made that great shot right at the buzzer and him answering “what a shot!”    This is significant because we are Kansas fans, but Kansas fans who appreciate great work.  Way to go Tigers.

4.  Laying in bed this morning cuddling with DH.  We never get to do that.  Thank you rain and sleet.

5.  Lunch at Accurso’s, yummy!  New favorite Italian Restaurant.

For more Favorite Fives click here.


TOPS on TODAY March 26, 2009

Filed under: Health — alwayswithme @ 6:19 pm
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I found a fairly new to me blog  called Hooked on Houses.  They host a  weekly blog party about what you are hooked on today.  I enjoyed viewing the entries and I thought I post mine.  I’m a TOPS gal.  TOPS is a great, non profit support group that has been around since the late 1940’s.  Check out this video from the Today Show.  This woman lost 140 pounds after joining TOPS!  She looks terrific.  We had two new women at our meeting today – I wonder if they saw this show?

To see what everybody else is hooked on, check out this link


A Lot Going On March 13, 2009

Filed under: Exercise,Health — alwayswithme @ 10:22 am
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I have been spending a lot of time on Spark People in an attempt to get support to lose weight.  I have enjoyed it and learned a lot.  I am hopeful weight will come down.

My blood pressure has been running high which is really worrisome.  I found out I am ADD so it may be the medication.  I am going to purchase some Vitamin D and start taking it as I read that it may help with BP and that it is hard to actually get Vitamin D with our sunscreen use and position of the sun during parts of the year.

I am starting to cook more which has been kind of enjoyable.  I have printed out some healthier recipes and hope to have a 21 day cycle of dependable recipes for us to use.  I have found quite a few veggie recipes to use and am making two to three different ones for each dinner since we are supposed to eat 5 to 11 servings of fruit and vegetables a day.

I am soon to get my blood drawn to find out just how bad a shape I am in.  I am considering doing it at two different places.  One to have my doctor run per her instructions and one to send to Life Extension (I heard about this through a Suzanne Somers interview) so that I have two pieces of information to use.  I think the life extension one concentrates more on hormones and nutrients but I’m not for sure.  I need to find out about that soon.


Getting Lost August 15, 2008

Filed under: DH,DS, The Older,DS, The Younger,Family — alwayswithme @ 12:22 pm

Yesterday was the day to go pick up the headboard.  I don’t like to drive the highways so I do my best to avoid them.  I had to use 71 on the way there but I headed back out in a different direction on the way back.  I knew we lived west and north of where we were and so off we went. 





What a joy it was to travel through the rural areas where all you could see was fields of green, stalks of corn, bales of hay, an occasional home and blue skies.  It was great.  We could have gone directly back in 30 minutes but instead we spent 90 minutes just enjoying the feeling of open space and each other’s company.  It was great.

Had bunco last night and I won the middle of the road prize.  It was fun to get together with all the other women.  Rob got his fish tonight while he was with his dad.  I got home in time to watch him feed them.  He loves them already.  He ended up with four rather than three.  I envision lots of fish tanks in his future.

Our anniversary is today.  We don’t have anything planned and that is okay.  It is such a busy time right now.  Rob offered to go to a friends house (bless his heart).  We’ve got to load up stuff in the van to move to Matt’s new house tomorrow evening.  I’ve got TOPS tomorrow morning.  I need to get flowers to Phyllis today hopefully and see if Rob can go to Jeff’s tomorrow from early morning to mid afternoon.  I’ve got to pick up the appliance dolly tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. so I’ve got to remember to have room in the van for it plus maybe the headboard.

Greg is not going to work the second job anymore.  I am a bit frightened about that but he says we will be okay.  I hope he can arrange to bill out his time to clients through the firm like he thinks he should be able to and get a cut of those billings.  He thinks the partners will support that.  I worry that he won’t pursue it.  I don’t know why I don’t have faith that he’ll do it because he says he will and he is reliable.  It is probably because I want to know now and he is oh so patient.

Anyway, off to make my list of things to do longer.


An All Time High (and not in any good way) August 5, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — alwayswithme @ 1:43 am
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Today at my weekly weigh in I hit my all time high.  I am now 210.8 pounds.  I am so disappointed in myself.  I did this to myself.  No one else has done it but me.  I have a decision to make now don’t I?  I’ve made so many promises to myself and haven’t kept them.  What should I do?  Reasonable answer would be do something different than you have been doing. 

I don’t eat that much food, the nutrient rich stuff.  Trish commented today during the meeting that we should be eating nutrient dense food which will fuel our bodies and is supposed to help stave off cravings.  Or maybe Cheryl said that part.  I need to eat real food, I need to start cooking from scratch more and I need to move.  The inspiration I read at last week’s meeting was on a gentleman who watched his portions some but walked every day.  He lost 92 pounds over the course of a couple of years.  I am afraid that this won’t work for me but what else have I got?

I am really, really ashamed.  I am really, really disappointed and I am really afraid I won’t conquer this weight problem.  However, I am still here so I must want to continue on.  Chris pointed out in the meeting that what we choose to do is a big part of the battle in anything we do in life.  She is so right.  When I was pregnant with Rob and got gestational diabetes I chose to eat exactly like I was supposed to.  When I was divorced I chose to stay in my home, to work and care for my son.  When I was ready for a new husband I chose to get out there and market myself to the male dating population and after kissing a few frogs ended up with my prince charming.  A really, really good man.  We have had our problems but we have both chosen to love each other through it and have a really good marriage and feel safe with each other.  I have chosen correctly in the past.  I can chose to correctly in the future.  I can.

I am going to cogitate on this for awhile.

Since first writing this post, I have walked on the treadmill every day.  I am very proud of myself.  I have also written down everything I have eaten, have started the one hundred pushup challenge and joined an online support group affiliated with my TOPS program.  I have chosen some hershey bars and ice cream this week but I acknowledge that I have chosen them.  It wasn’t mindlessly eating them.  To see what other Healthy You participants are doing head over here.


A Really Great Post on Attitude July 31, 2008

Filed under: Books,Health — alwayswithme @ 3:06 am
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There is a book recommendation in there that I need to go look at.  Loved the post.  More on it later but I’m going to bed now.

I just re-read the post.  The author suggest thinking about the positive parts of yourself and making a list of them so before I get DS off to bed :

  1. I am kind
  2. I am loving
  3. I am helpful
  4. I get to be 50 soon and am looking forward to it
  5. I am a good friend
  6. I am a good daughter
  7. I am a good wife
  8. I am a good mother
  9. I am intelligent
  10. I am curious
  11. I can be counted on

That is what I can think of.  I am a pretty decent person.  I need to remember that.  More later.


My Inside and My Outside July 21, 2008

Filed under: Health — alwayswithme @ 4:32 am
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Last week at TOPS we discussed boredom eating, a topic which most of us could all relate too.  I don’t like boredom, don’t think there is a reason to be bored because there is ALWAYS something to do.  Cheryl pointed out that yes there are always things to do but alot of them are really just the drudgery of life; repetitive sweeping of floors, washing of clothes, preparing meals, cleaning up after meals so on and on.

That really struck home with me for a couple of reasons.  First off, I’ve never really “felt” bored.  I love to read so I do alot of that.  I DVR my favorite shows and watch them when I’m ready so random, endless TV watching is not a problem.  I have DS who has needs to see to and I love, love, love spending time with him so that is a joy not a duty to be endured.  I have come to enjoy the blogging world and spend a lot of time learning from many unknown to me in person friends, visiting their homes and being a part of their lifes.  I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends that I enjoy spending time with and doing things for.  I’m in a bookclub, a Bible study and a support group for the overweight called TOPS.  My life is very full.  I have hobbies I want to spend more time doing such as scrapbooking, card stamping, quilting and crocheting. 

The housework, however is a problem.  I don’t like doing it.  I grew up in a meticulously kept home and while I loved the look of it the pressure to keep things perfect just screamed to my inner self that my inside didn’t match my outside.  I understand why my home was like that, completely.  I want to move beyond that though. 

I get to be 50 this year and I want to be 50 and enjoy it comfortably in a new way; I want to have my inside and my outside match.  I have changed much inside.  I know that God is in control of everything.  I know it and I believe it.  I know that if I continue to not exercise my physical self will continue to break down leaving me not able to enjoy the next several decades as I would want to.  I know if i keep eating chocolate to excess the pounds will continue to pile on, the arteries will continue to clog and my mind will get foggier and foggier.  Massive amounts of sugar are not good for me.  I know that there is an attractive woman inside me that can be of value to my family and friends.  I know that my cluttered house is a direct reflection back to me of how my insides have felt.  I know that I am beginning to heal my insides and I am becoming more and more uncomfortable with how my outside environment is looking to me.  I want and need to match.  I want and need to come up with a simple plan that I can follow to change in both areas at the same time.  I have to allow myself that.  I have to babystep it because I know that trying to change too much too quickly doesn’t work for me.


An Inspiration July 20, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — alwayswithme @ 3:43 am
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I just finished reading this blog and enjoyed it very much.  While it is short on details (about food eaten), it is great on exercise, sticking to it, starting again, moods and successes.  I enjoyed it very much.  It was real and helpful.  I learned about Kim’s blog from Redbook Magazine which I happened to pick up because it would put me over the amount I needed to spend at CVS to use my accumulated ECBs.  Glad I spotted it.

I don’t remember what, if anything, I have written about my weight issues here but after reading Kim’s  blog I have decided to start documenting them.  I will add a category for weight issues in addition to my TOPS category.  Most will probably go in both.  God bless me; I need it.