alwayswithme, a Weblog

where I keep my thoughts together

An All Time High (and not in any good way) August 5, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — alwayswithme @ 1:43 am
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Today at my weekly weigh in I hit my all time high.  I am now 210.8 pounds.  I am so disappointed in myself.  I did this to myself.  No one else has done it but me.  I have a decision to make now don’t I?  I’ve made so many promises to myself and haven’t kept them.  What should I do?  Reasonable answer would be do something different than you have been doing. 

I don’t eat that much food, the nutrient rich stuff.  Trish commented today during the meeting that we should be eating nutrient dense food which will fuel our bodies and is supposed to help stave off cravings.  Or maybe Cheryl said that part.  I need to eat real food, I need to start cooking from scratch more and I need to move.  The inspiration I read at last week’s meeting was on a gentleman who watched his portions some but walked every day.  He lost 92 pounds over the course of a couple of years.  I am afraid that this won’t work for me but what else have I got?

I am really, really ashamed.  I am really, really disappointed and I am really afraid I won’t conquer this weight problem.  However, I am still here so I must want to continue on.  Chris pointed out in the meeting that what we choose to do is a big part of the battle in anything we do in life.  She is so right.  When I was pregnant with Rob and got gestational diabetes I chose to eat exactly like I was supposed to.  When I was divorced I chose to stay in my home, to work and care for my son.  When I was ready for a new husband I chose to get out there and market myself to the male dating population and after kissing a few frogs ended up with my prince charming.  A really, really good man.  We have had our problems but we have both chosen to love each other through it and have a really good marriage and feel safe with each other.  I have chosen correctly in the past.  I can chose to correctly in the future.  I can.

I am going to cogitate on this for awhile.

Since first writing this post, I have walked on the treadmill every day.  I am very proud of myself.  I have also written down everything I have eaten, have started the one hundred pushup challenge and joined an online support group affiliated with my TOPS program.  I have chosen some hershey bars and ice cream this week but I acknowledge that I have chosen them.  It wasn’t mindlessly eating them.  To see what other Healthy You participants are doing head over here.

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11 Responses to “An All Time High (and not in any good way)”

  1. dadivastreet Says:

    You can’t beat yourself up on what is past. You’re back on track, making better choices, and the 100 push up challenge is great. I doing it at my own pace (regular push ups!) and I know it will take me longer than 6 weeks. The important thing is that I am doing it & will finish it. Good luck on those positive changes, you CAN do it!

  2. alwayswithme Says:

    Thanks diva. You are right the past is the past. Thanks for your encouragement.

  3. Mark Salinas Says:

    Hey! I have been there….keep moving! Great job with the treadmill! I look forward to your journey updates! 🙂

  4. slenderella Says:

    Definitely look forward and focus on the positive changes you are making. My weight loss has been slow, but steady. You can do it too! Let’s motivate each other. It just takes one change at a time.

  5. simonesbutterfly Says:

    Its all about choices. When I read the 4 Day Win Book it struck me how we easily manage to focus on the difficult things and resolve it. I am now trying to break it down and take small steps. Cause weight loss is the only thing in my life I have to succeed in. Everything else I have put my mind too I have succeeded in.
    Sounds like we are in the same boat!

  6. Koala Says:

    I agree with DaDiva. The things that make the biggest difference are those small positive changes, that stick with us. It’s WONDERFUL that you’re walking every day, that alone is a HUGE achievement. I’m doing the pushup challenge myself, and I can guarantee you it will take me longer than 6 weeks.

    And choosing those treats is also a big factor 🙂
    I’m working on making sure I choose my treats and don’t just emotionally eat.

    Go you! You’ve made AMAZING changes already! Just because it’s small things, doesn’t mean they aren’t wonderful 😀

    You can do it!

  7. Shanna Says:

    You also have to “choose” your attitude. I know we say we can’t help how we feel, ans sometimes this is true… but I choose, to look at this whole weight loss journey in a positive light. I am excited to see what happens to my body week to week, I look forward to my visorous workouts. I have totally changed my outlook on dieting and exercing. I think that is what has made the biggest diffence for me. In the past, I would be all sad & depressed about how I look and feel, and although I was trying to lose weight, I hated myself for getting to the point that I am at. Once I started loving myself and my body, we starting harmonously together. yeah, I still get mad at the scale, and sometimes I feel down, but in general, I try to look at things in a positive light. That is my choice! Mind over matter, baby!! =)

  8. alwayswithme Says:

    Thanks Mark, Slenderella, Simone, Koala and Shanna for your encouraging comments. I believe that this Healthy You Challenge is really going to help me.

  9. MizFit Says:

    are you eating enough?

    Im off to explore your blog BUT whether the scale changes or not it’s already evident youre layering HEALTHY NEW HABIT upon HEALTHY NEW HABIT—which is key.

  10. Annette Says:

    sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to start climbing out. The night I weighed myself and decided to get out of the denial mode, I was 307! I cried and then decided it was time to get serious and choose to live for myself, my hubby, and my kids. That was about 3 1/2 months ago. Now I am 256 and I haven’t looked back. Keep looking forward. Focus on the goal……..and get past the pain. You can do it!

  11. alwayswithme Says:

    MizFit, The question of whether I’m eating enough is a good one and I am probably not eating enough of good, nutritional food just calorie dense junk food; although I am working on changing that. Thanks for mentioning the layering of healthy habits because that does describe what I am trying to do.

    Annette, Thank you for your testimony about focusing on the goal and getting past my pain. Congratuations on your weight loss over the past several months.


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