alwayswithme, a Weblog

where I keep my thoughts together

My Inside and My Outside July 21, 2008

Filed under: Health — alwayswithme @ 4:32 am
Tags: , ,

Last week at TOPS we discussed boredom eating, a topic which most of us could all relate too.  I don’t like boredom, don’t think there is a reason to be bored because there is ALWAYS something to do.  Cheryl pointed out that yes there are always things to do but alot of them are really just the drudgery of life; repetitive sweeping of floors, washing of clothes, preparing meals, cleaning up after meals so on and on.

That really struck home with me for a couple of reasons.  First off, I’ve never really “felt” bored.  I love to read so I do alot of that.  I DVR my favorite shows and watch them when I’m ready so random, endless TV watching is not a problem.  I have DS who has needs to see to and I love, love, love spending time with him so that is a joy not a duty to be endured.  I have come to enjoy the blogging world and spend a lot of time learning from many unknown to me in person friends, visiting their homes and being a part of their lifes.  I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends that I enjoy spending time with and doing things for.  I’m in a bookclub, a Bible study and a support group for the overweight called TOPS.  My life is very full.  I have hobbies I want to spend more time doing such as scrapbooking, card stamping, quilting and crocheting. 

The housework, however is a problem.  I don’t like doing it.  I grew up in a meticulously kept home and while I loved the look of it the pressure to keep things perfect just screamed to my inner self that my inside didn’t match my outside.  I understand why my home was like that, completely.  I want to move beyond that though. 

I get to be 50 this year and I want to be 50 and enjoy it comfortably in a new way; I want to have my inside and my outside match.  I have changed much inside.  I know that God is in control of everything.  I know it and I believe it.  I know that if I continue to not exercise my physical self will continue to break down leaving me not able to enjoy the next several decades as I would want to.  I know if i keep eating chocolate to excess the pounds will continue to pile on, the arteries will continue to clog and my mind will get foggier and foggier.  Massive amounts of sugar are not good for me.  I know that there is an attractive woman inside me that can be of value to my family and friends.  I know that my cluttered house is a direct reflection back to me of how my insides have felt.  I know that I am beginning to heal my insides and I am becoming more and more uncomfortable with how my outside environment is looking to me.  I want and need to match.  I want and need to come up with a simple plan that I can follow to change in both areas at the same time.  I have to allow myself that.  I have to babystep it because I know that trying to change too much too quickly doesn’t work for me.

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